ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
