i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
