I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
