Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
