Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
