the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
