I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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