Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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