i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
