WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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