I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The ass gains better be worth it
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