I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
