I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
