I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
