a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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