Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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