matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
