just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
