i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
God, I missed his penis.
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