I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
