i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
