you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
