Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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