he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I stole a fireplace last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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