saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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