I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she peed on how many people?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
