That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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