ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
