Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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