What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
