Fine. I'll sleep in my office
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
