girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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