Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
