the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
