Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
