I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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