I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
