You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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