wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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