We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize