Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
