This is not my ceiling
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
