the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
