This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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