I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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