so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
