I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Who died my cat blue again?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
