haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
