I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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