if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
