there's paper in my vomit.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
