I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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