I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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