If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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