he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
