you traded sex for a burrito?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
