woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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