Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
