i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
