You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
