Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
