Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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