I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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