Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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