good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
