I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
