is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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