Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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