She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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