That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
