Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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