But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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