we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
