Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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