so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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