Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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