I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
