i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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