Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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