evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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