I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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