her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
