does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just pynch a tree in the face
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
