he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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