there's paper in my vomit.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
