I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i think my cat just said my name.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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