Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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