To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
