turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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