He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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