just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
