someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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