when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
